Archive for the 'Richeh’s words of wisdom' Category

It’s a little known fact, but World War 2 was actually the biggest prank in the history of ironic humour.

November 12th, 2007 by

Kelly ClarksonIn 1933, Adolf Hitler campaigned for power under one of the most ridiculous manifestos of all time. Despite the fact that his conspiracy theories regarding the Jews were patently ridiculous, the student population found him irresistable with his ridiculous hair and laughable mustache. When Otto Krinkhoven, one of the fashoinistas of the time, was asked who he was voting for, he drily replied; “Hitler’s got my backing”. The Nazi party was born, largely due to the written medium’s failure to convey sarcasm.

The landslide victory Hitler recieved was largely due to the German student population’s heroic capacity to invest in a jape; so was the great Night Of Ironic Broken Glass, as all over the country, uniformed goons broke into Jews’ houses and places of work. This was hilarious at the time, since they were all so obviously not racists. It was trumped only as the axis forces fell to allied troops, giggling at how Crazy they all were.

As the Allies drove into Berlin, they were greeted by public derision, as the Germans proclaimed “Herauf Sie Kerle, können nicht erleichtern Sie es sehen sind alle ein Witz?” (“Lighten up you guys, can’t you see it’s all a joke?”).

To this day, it remains an offence in Germany to deny the holocaust, or to tell a joke. Lest we may forget. This unpublishable history lesson was brought to you by Rich’s “Stop voting for Jeremy Clarkson or you’re worse than Hitler” campaign. Yes, he knows he’s a hypocrite.

Clarkson shown in picture may be different to that in text. We can be ironic too.

Can you tell what it is yet?

July 15th, 2007 by

It's PHIL SPECTOR.  It all makes sense now!  I’ve been learning to draw with a tablet now my scanner’s completely cacked it. I’m not packing my day job in quite yet.

It was tempting to use MS Comic Sans just to excite Ian’s irrational hatreds, but I swear I’m not certain how much he’d take these days before neighbourhood pets start going missing.

I’m not sure what to make of Mr. Spector’s trial. It seems pretty open-and-shut guilty, but then my information is passed through the diseased kidney that is the mass media. I suppose I’m just quite glad that since I’ve not had much exposure to his work I honestly don’t care all that much. All I’m prepared to express is that if I was on trial for murder, I’d possibly put a little more effort into looking less like Mr. Burns’ evil, eccentric twin.

A Pleasant Day in the Country

June 18th, 2007 by

Haigh Hall, because I didn't take any photos at the festivalOn Sunday, it was brought to my attention by a friend that once a year, the kindly folk of Haigh Hall throw a free music festival for those in the area, presumably by way of compensation for them being in Wigan. I rolled up half smashed to find out what was going down with my homies.
Haigh Hall is a genuinely beautiful place, and I’ve come to the opinion that all music festivals should be held in the grounds of stately homes if simply for the reason that, surrounded by two or three square miles of semi-landscaped woodland, there was no problems with the toilet arrangements.


Frank Discussion

March 21st, 2007 by

I’ve been listening open-mouthed as Frank openly mocks and stereotypes most of my friends on the radio. God, now I know what it’s like being a black muslim lesbian. Frank’s one of those two faced people who will lie to your face, and when he’s found out will say no, okay, I’ll tell you the truth now. And when he’s got your trust he’ll lie to you again, and piss in your mouth. Frank is a government anti-drugs information campaign, and my much-maligned friends are pot smokers.

The Talk To Frank campaign has been running for several years now, and has stepped from a friendly helpline service to an all-out televisual propaganda festival. From the first, Frank’s been all about matey advice and informed decisions. He’s also been about misinformation and eroding the last remnants of trust the perpetually disgruntled youth have in the British government. Frank doesn’t give a shit, he was hired to scare the crap out of kids TODAY, what happens tomorrow when they find out he’s been feeding them a crock is someone else’s problem.


Like A Black Fly in my Chardonnay

March 2nd, 2007 by

I’ve just knocked my copy of “Doctor Kawashima’s Brain Training” on the NDS into my cup of tea. For those interested in the sturdiness of nintendo products, there is no discernable degradation in performance, however it now smells of tea and hobnobs.

That is all.

So, Goodbye then, 2006.

January 13th, 2007 by

Doctor McNinjaIt’s been ageeees since I’ve posted here and I’m not even sure Ian still wants my light-hearted bitterness spilt freely over his mighty blog like Jif Lemon sprayed over a filthy toilet in an embarrassing yet understandable confusion. But fuck it, new year’s as good a time as any to start blogging again and my blog seems to have been bummed in the gob.

Well, January’s traditionally a time for looking back over the previous year, if not the previous night, with a sense of faint regret. I for one regret that it looks like Dan Brown’s going to get away with The DaVinci Code, since the Catholic church apparently “don’t do fatwas”. But let’s not be so negative. There’s been lots of good things happen, for one Ian’s job’s taken him to the other side of a country I often feel is far too small, and I mean that in a nice way, darling. I’ve also discovered Doctor McNinja, the finest webcomic I’ve read since Dragonball was translated into farts and homosexuality on a website I can’t be bothered to look up. And in what seemed suspiciously like a rush on Bush’s part to make good on some of last year’s resolutions before Auld Lang Syne, we’ve seen a middle – eastern dictator hanged – on cameraphone, no less – and turned into what is surely the world’s most widely distributed snuff film. I can’t help but think it’s a shame we didn’t have camera phones to record Clinton’s major achievements, I think they’d be in much better taste.

And after scientific trials, I can honestly say Monica Lewinsky’s easier to masturbate to than Saddam’s execution.

Chilly waters

June 8th, 2006 by

NO a Pascua LamaI can do politics too, damnit.
On the border between Chile and Argentina lies the Valle de San Felix, and three glaciers supplying essential water to the local farmers; in fact, some of the purest in chile, in case you’re a Volvic wanker. Crucially, they also lie between the Barrick Gold Corporation and a massive gold vein.

Barrick proposes to dig two immense holes in the glaciers, one for drilling and one for landfill. The drilling won’t just destroy the glaciers, the extraction will permanently contaminate the waters with cyanide and sulphuric acid. All of the gold and silver will leave the already impoverished region, feeding instead the massive multinational – whose members include George Bush Sr. if you need an extra push to hate them. It’s true that the mines will bring jobs to the area, but employment is already high in the farming community that the mine will destroy. After the seventeen years – far less than one generation – of proposed drilling are over, Barrick will leave the area contaminated, unusable and unemployed. It’s as close to raping an entire community as you’re ever likely to get outside one of Ian’s Japanese Specialist Videos.

I know, appeals are made to everyone reading this blog every day, and it’s nothing that’s really ever going to affect you. The fact is, there’s very little you can do directly to affect IT. They don’t want your money, or your time. Petitions, especially the email variety, while well-meaning are counterproductive. Just knowing about it helps, and letting the real movers KNOW you know. If you’re interested and want to know more about the situation, visit the official campaign site, MiningWatch for the impartial skinny, see Barrick’s very carefully worded response to the campaign, and Snopes if you think my pants are on fire.

This is the Whining Liberal, Purveyor of Justice, signing off. And I promise the next one’ll be funny.

Party On

February 12th, 2006 by

Freedom of speech is a beautiful thing. I’m not an expert on the details; while I know it means you can’t be stopped from using your voice to express your point of view; though I’m not so sure about using someone else’s.

RX seems to be of the opinion that it’s fair play, and given the results, I’ll go along with it. Though there’s plenty of mashups of George W Bush speeches this is the first time I’ve heard him cover Grandmaster Flash’s “White Lines” or “Imagine”. Give it a listen, they’re all free.

Make sure you give “Dick is a Killer” and “Let’s Get Fucked Up” a listen.

[edit: Dick is a killer seems better since Cheney got a bit handy with a shotgun -Ian]

> Visit to listen to RX’s work