Roger Ebert of the Chigago Sun-Times has written the definative review of Michael Bay’s Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen. I’m just going to share some stuff that I picked up when I watched it this week. This may not make any sense if you’ve not seen the film (and even then…).
- Turns out Obama wasn’t a very good choice for prez. Shit kicks off and he goes to hide in some bunker somewhere. Not like Bush did in 9/11. Conspiracy theorists would have you believe that once the twin towers got hit, he paniced and flew all over the US in Air Force One. This isn’t the case. He headed for new York and stood upon the rubble, Stinger ground-to-air missle launcher over one shoulder and a knuckle duster on his right hand; screaming “Bring it, Bin Laden you pussy”. Fictional/real Obama really dropped the ball on this one.
- Where was Sally Field? Shia LaBeoufs (yes that is a real name) mum was an incredibly annoying character but she reminded me of Sally Fields. If Sally Fields had played her I would have probably found her slightly less annoying. Why not just use Sally Field, Bay, you cheap bastard?
- The American Military is fucking awesome. Not only do they have a shit load of kit that can take down marourding 6-story high robots, but each and every man and woman in uniform is pretty damn good looking. Like, beautiful. I wish they’d liberate Sheffield just so I could be around them. This could of been because this film was half Dept. of Defence recruitment video. The other half was a toy advert.
- What’s the deal with Megan Fox’s lips? CG?
- The American motor trade make some pretty crappy looking vehicles. I’d heard stories, y’know about how the motor trade in the US is failing? Occassionally we get a Crystler sold over her in the UK that makes it onto the streets but if you just look away it’s okay and it’s clear why the industry is in such trouble. But this film really helped clarify the whole situation. The French make panel vans with more character than trendiest modern GMC models.
- Based on evidence in this film; black people have really bad teeth. Even robots who are portrayed by black people (or vis-versa… I’m not sure what the deal is) have bad teeth. Robots with bad teeth. Seriously. Just the ‘black’ ones. All over this film. Wierd (and they don’t read so gud, huh huh).
- Arabs on the other hand: I learnt nothing new about them. They’re the same as they are in all American films, “Hey mister! I like Ice-T too!“
- If you’re a 26 year old man, you shouldn’t go and watch a film aimed at teenage boys. Particularly one made by a racist, mysoginistic, flag-waving retard.